lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
