Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize