haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
