I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
