is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
