i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
