what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
