i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
