I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
