White coat. Heels.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
did i just pee glitter
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
