Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
