No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
