remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
