just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
