well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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