Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
