My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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