I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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