I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
