At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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