Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
