we have officially lost it.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
