do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
