He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
