My Higher Power is John Stamos
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This house was built for laser tag.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize