I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
