perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
