please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
