we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
