Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
