Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
