I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
