Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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