would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
