All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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