my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
