O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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