State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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