You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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