Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
