If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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