Please don't use social media to get back at me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
