She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
