he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
