rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
