I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
