It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
