can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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