a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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