Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Randomize
