you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize