WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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