i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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