Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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