wakey wakey hands off snakey
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
