So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the day after is always just damage control
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
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