Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
