So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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