if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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