you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
