Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize