I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
