I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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